I feel so angry (not normal for me at all) and helpless and lost. I have been fighting bulimia for about 2 years, 811 raw veganism being the thing that has helped BY FAR the most, but it hasn't cured me. It is not the fruit's fault, it is mine! My addictions still get the better of me. But still, I have been looking for complimentary help. 

I was very fortunate to get in to see a doctor who specializes in EDs and has been treating them for over 40 years. He was the first person who had information to tell me that I haven't already heard/read before, and whether or not I believe all of it (for example, that overweight people are healthier and live longer? ... yeah, uh-huh), I was impressed by his level of knowledge and that he addressed things with me that nobody else has. Also, he was surprisingly in favour of raw foods! Although, the best thing he had to say when I told him how much fruit I eat was "It's not a horrible diet." He seems more in favour of high-starch McDougall style eating, as far as I can tell ...? But I've only seen him once yet. 

I was going to continue seeing him and hope that I can continue 811 with a bit of help from his end. However, I just found out that my parents' insurance does not cover the high cost (about $230 each) of sessions. My very supportive mother insists that we can pay for it, but I am not stupid. I know that it'll be a strain on our budget. My illness already made me lose my university scholarship and a portion of my student loans. I am costing my family too much already. So I don't think that I should see this doctor anymore. But they will try to make me go. I feel so broken. What do you think is the best course for me? If you have any advice, please, I would be grateful for it. 

This is all a very self-centered problem, I know, but sadly, mental illness is like that. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and if I could change it by wanting to, I would have done so long ago, please believe me. Blessings ~

You need to be a member of The Frugivore Diet to add comments!

Join The Frugivore Diet

Email me when people reply –

Replies

  • Amber, I understand what you are going through because I've gone through it too. I remember the immense feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration. But please believe me when I say: this is the most important thing in your life! Dont drag it on for a few more years, get your life back! Honestly, keeping my body completely satisfied with loads of  fruits and veggies was the only thing that pulled me out of a 5 year eating disorder. I really hope you find the patience and trust to continue with this lifestyle. It will take a while for your body to recover from the damage the ED has done to your body, but it can and WILL heal on this lifestyle. Another thing I can suggest is focusing on self-love (totally different than self-centered thinking). In any situation ask yourself, "What would somebody who loves themselves do?" And then DO IT! I know it may sound silly, but by practicing self- love, you WILL gain love, acceptance, and soooo much more for yourself. You are NOT broken. You are NOT self-centered. You are simply reaching out for help, which is a must in a situation like an ED where there can be so much going on in your head. Eat fruit and always choose to love yourself.

    • I am a few days late replying to this, but Wildflower, thank you so much. It means so much to me that others like you understand how crazy I feel, but who also know that is a way out of ED craziness, through a fruity lifestyle. Every small step I make toward recovery is thanks to 80/10/10 in some way; this diet just has a way of making people open themselves to positive change. Your advice confirms what I know is true in my heart, and I'm determined to keep moving toward full recovery and joy in life. x0x

  • I actually went through the same thing recently, so I completely understand. Instead of paying for a doctor that does not fully understand my lifestyle choice, I hired a raw vegan coach and he has helped me immensely. We meet once a week to go over meal plans, talk about struggles, conquer fear foods/situations (going out to eat), etc. He takes a very holistic approach, which is nice because in my perfectionistic mindset, I even restrict myself on LFRV. He's actually nominated for "Raw Food Coach of the Year" at the Living Foods Expo this year and only costed me about $50, whereas my old "doctor" was about $150 per visit. I can't recommend a health coach enough for your sanity. The rest of the world will tell you that you are choosing this lifestyle to restrict, but I know you are choosing it to be free, so hold on to that! :)

    • Wow, that's awesome! Thank you for sharing your experience, Kimmie. I am definitely holding on to this option, especially if the doctor I have turns out not to understand this lifestyle at all (I still think it might be okay, but you never know). Thanks for understanding and giving me this glimmer of LFRV light! :)

  • Of course, I do not know your financial situation, but your burden is not your family's burden. I'd say it is far too much to be paying per visit, and a good friend and a couple of books would be of much greater use. I don't know how your family is for money, but I do know that even if my family had enough money to spend on such doc visits, I would not be up for it, because it could be spent much wiser elsewhere. There is absolutely no reason why you should require much extra care and medical expenses. Give up on your old habits and patterns and try this fruit diet. If it resonates with you as it has with me, it should be absolutely no challenge to live a fruitarian/ whatever 811 lifestyle you chose to do.

    I do not mean to sound harsh in any way, but I have gone through what you are dealing with and I am telling you the shortest way out.

    • I wish "a good friend and a couple of books" were all that is required. Trust me, I've been down that road dozens of times. I've tried many books from many perspectives, and I am surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends. 

      What you say is all true, I know, and I don't think you are being harsh - I thank you for reminding me of it. In my mind, it is so much easier than it ends up being in life. I have been struggling, again and again and again, to give up my old habits and live a simple raw vegan life (I began trying it last spring). I have also been an ethical vegan for 10 years, so technically, the transition should not be so hard. I do not want to cost my family so much and it will stay high in my concerns, and certainly motivate me to get out of this therapy as soon as I can. On the other hand - I have caused them years upon years of stress with my depression and disordered eating, so if this doctor can help, I feel it may be wise to try, so that I can be healthy and happy and repay my family for their unconditional support. 

      thanks for your perspective, and your recovery inspires me to keep trying and growing. 

  • Thank you! Yes, that's my thought too, Peter: I can at least try it for a few sessions (they are 3 weeks apart anyway) and then reevaluate, like you say. If that still leaves me with some problems to resolve, then an 80-10-10 coach might be my next step. 

  • I suggest the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.

    It might seem unrelated to your problem at first, but if you heal your soul or just let your soul be the way it is, you can come to terms with lots of 'addictions' you have in life. Bulimia is an addiction. It is the same as saying 'I'm Tanja and I hate _____'. Addictions only weaken you and limit you.

    You don't need any one(the doc) outside of yourself to help you. You are strong, you are powerful, take control and take RESPONSIBILITY. Come to terms with your dis-ease.

    I struggled much with bulimia for a few years and the more I dissociate from my ego, the easier it has been to view this 'disease' as something that is merely a choice. It is a hard road to travel down.. Self harm. But if you are strong enough to acknowledge it, as you have, and you have looked for ways to help yourself, you are so very close to finding your way.

    You cannot give up, and you cannot live on the way you have, so change, and change and change. Giving up is no option. You're either dying or growing. Choose wisely.

    • I have that book at home; I was reading it over the holidays. It did not really resonate with me, somehow, but maybe I will give it another try.

      The problem is that I've been trying to find my way for two years, and before that I was trying to find my way through anorexia. It has been a long time of trying to help myself, and I fully believe everything that you are saying - that I need to be responsible and help myself, end my addictions, change my behaviours to embrace health. I am still, for the most part, thinking that way, because I think it's the only sustainable way to treat ANY illness.

      But considering how much this dis-ease has affected my life - making me waste money, drop classes, drastically lowering my grades, plus what it does to my mental and physical health - I feel that it MAY be a wise choice to seek outside help for a little while. I am not ready to be as detached and spiritually evolved as Eckhart Tolle, at this point in my life. 

      • Don't measure the progress in time, look at it in the perspective from where were you were to where you are now. Pacing back and forth does not count as having ever moved. My words to you are to remember you are powerful. I have all the faith that you will come out of this, the only uncertainty is how long it might take you. You write that your family and friends are supportive, use that to your advantage! Having support is everything in this world in which we live! Appreciate what is around you, discard thoughts of the troubles you bring upon yourself and your loved ones. The less you think about these damaging matters, the less they can hurt you. I believe that simply by being brave enough and recognizing your challenge, you have done much. It seems to me like you have made up your mind that you will go to this doctor, and that is fine if that is how you wish to be 'treated'. I do not undermine any of your struggle, I do know and understand how difficult it may be, I hope you forgive yourself and you overcome the challenge. Much love.

This reply was deleted.