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I want to make this post as honest as possible, because I want the truth to be out there, to start clean and fresh.

Last time I posted here, I was talking about how my relationship with my husband wasn't going well, and my struggles with food. A lot has happened since then. No one was supportive of my lifestyle. I felt all alone and really wanted out of the situation. I felt really pushed into a corner with no way out. I started binging again on junk and turned my back on this diet and fell hard and deep into depression. My husband and me split up and I spent the entire month of July binging and purging. I started having suicidal thoughts and decided that enough was enough. I called my family (in my birth country) and told them about the situation. They advised me to come back asap, leave everything behind and step into treatment back at home. So I did, I really wanted to pick up on my healthy lifestyle again, but the step at that time was just too big and I knew my family wouldn't be supportive anyway. I felt weak and couldn't step up for myself at that time. I needed someone else to take care of me, as I couldn't do it myself anymore.

I had a timeout of 4 months at an eating disorder clinic (eating vegetarian food, veganism was a big no-no!). During that time I gained back my strength, self respect and confidence. I left the clinic last month. The past week and a half, I have been eating an hcrv diet (90% raw) again and feeling better than ever. My energy levels are up, sleep is better, no more mood swings, my running pace has improved,... I just feel so much better overall. 

Problem is; my family is not supportive. I can't blame them, though. I fully understand. I mean, I just came out of the ED clinic and now of course they think I am just rushing into the next disorder. They said they are very worried about me, they think I will turn into a massive blob of fat and if I don't cut down on the fruit, they will call the clinic.

They were eating meat for Christmas dinner last night and I was eating a huge salad bowl with a lot of fresh veggies and fruit, and frozen bananas for dessert. They called my meal a binge; and my lifestyle extreme, dangerous and unhealthy. Then they left the table for a smoke and a drink. I'm not judging their lifestyles. If they want to f*ck their health by eating meat, smoking and drinking, that is their choice. But I choose another lifestyle for me.

This lifestyle is just making me feel so lonely. I love my family but I really want to hang out with like minded people. So yeah... I am back, and here to stay this time, for sure :)

Just felt the need to share, I have no where else to go with this...