I was bulimic - on and off - for about 7 years before I committed to recovery and found HCLF veganism. This lifestyle saved my life but after a year of struggling through recovery my digestion still SUCKS!!!! If I eat literally anything other than fruit I'm stopped up for days, if you know what I mean, and it's totally ruining my life. It feels like I have in no way parted with bulimia to be honest. I'm constantly craving cooked carbs but I'm terrified to eat anything because food still reacts with me so badly. It is literally a daily battle in my head and I feel like I'm always starving if I only eat fruit (trust me I try to eat "enough"). I don't know what to do. Everyone talks about how recovery is so worth it but after a year of just pushing through and seeing no improvement I'm really losing hope and I don't know what to do any more. I'm tired of wishing I had a way to just "give up".
Has anyone else been through anything like this?
I should add that, yes, I drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, practice proper food combining, etc. I do it all to the letter but I'm not improving at all.
Replies
Hi Emily,
I'm returning to this lifestyle having tried it a couple of years ago but was unable to stick to it at the time due to being a compulsive overeater/bulimic. I'm now in a 12 step recovery group for that and am able to look at the 811 lifestyle once again but only since I addressed the mental side of my eating disorder. I too have done a lot of damage to my body and am terrified of putting on weight by doing 811 but do you know what? This time I have faith that if I do the right things, the right things will happen and I'm truly grateful that I no longer have that battle in my head around food any more. If you'd like to know any more, feel free to pm me. Good luck on your journey.x
Emily seriously :( I can feel your pain yo. Please just keep it up though !!
I struggle with health issues too .. its been 3 years for me and ive made massive improvements but whats left still gets me down .. but I remember how I great I feel now eating a lot of fruit n drinking massive amounts of water and how far I come and how really I can't turn back. I also look up to my rolemodels like harley n freelee which gives me the faith that its just a matter of time. Few more years. It sucks .. but its going to be freedom.
I've experienced enough of the benefits to know .. so dont give up Emily !! seriously. Its just a matter of time. Just endure. You'll get there :)
Thanks David,
I appreciate it, and I think you're right. It's hard not to get sucked into the negative feelings that come with feeling like garbage a lot of the time but like you said you can't really go back. I love this lifestyle and even if I were feeling great there's no way I'd go back to the SAD way of living. Just have to hope my body comes around some day ;)
Good luck to you too :)
Thank you for sharing Emily. Perfect timing.
I am experiencing something similar. I am just now feeling the extent of the damage I've done to my body.
It has been a very emotional time.
I'm seeing a dietitian who specializes in ED, and my primary doctor has referred me to a gastroenterologist to get testing done. I've tried probiotics and I'm taking meds now because my prelim. diagnosis is IBS. It's an embarrassing and isolating disease, but, I trust that changes in my diet and some medical guidance will help me.
Struggling for years with ED, this is what I've done to my body. So, I have to admit I know nothing about nutrition or my body's needs. And it can be a real struggle with my doctors especially on days when I think I know best! That's the disease talking though.
What's working well for me now is eating a modified diet and Yes I take medication, for now. I take some principles from HCLF/ RT4 and I'm learning to eat "intuitively." I went years without recognizing my body's natural hunger cues. It's something that was bred out of us (those who struggle with ED), but we can get back in touch with it :)
I feel like recovery is 90% mental. The rest takes care of itself, with some commitment/willingness(which you have, no doubt), some medical expertise if you recognize that you need it, and a lot of supportive people around you. If we don't have someone to share our thoughts/doubts with (therapist, doctor, sponsor, friend in recovery), the voices start to get louder, everything becomes chaotic, and soon old behaviors begin to look like a good option again or even, the only option.
Finally, let's not forget patience. I know people talk about it A Lot. I am only just beginning to accept that if it took me X number of years to get to where I did with my addiction, it might take just as long for my body to heal completely. Remember, Freelee says our bodies have to learn to trust us again.
You are not alone. I hope some more folks reach out.
Please message me if you'd like to talk about recovery. There are some really cool resources/sites with webcam/mic meetings and everything :D
*hug*
-Cass
Hi Cass,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply. You're right about all those things. It's been a struggle dealing with the medical professionals for me and the only one I feel who's taken me seriously is my therapist, whom I've built a good relationship with. It's funny, I've been many doctors across 2 continents (I was living overseas when I began my recovery and ended up having to come home because the recovery was so hard and completely impossible to trudge through alone....I lost a fully funded studentship because of it! But I finallly realized my health was more important than any other goal).
I feel like I've slowly come around to the right mindset but being patient is certainly difficult. I've stabilized at a healthy weight and I try to be mindful of what I eat; luckily eating a low fat vegan diet makes that all much simpler. It's frustrating to not understand precisely why my digestion is so slow but I'm committed to my recovery. I've pretty much given up seeing specialists because they've all been incredibly dismissive (they say oh it'll just get better over time). Like you, I've tried probiotics, fermented veggies, digestive enzyme blends, and anything else that sounds promising, but the only thing that truly works is fully raw for me. I'm just trying to remain hopeful and think that some day my body will respond and begin to function well on its own again.
If you have any links or resources you've found especially helpful I'd love to see them!
Emily
Ugh...been there. Took about a year and a few months for my body to even BEGIN acting like normal.
Were you fired/let go of your job because they found out you had an ED at one point/you were recovering? Or was it because you had to take time off? Either way, you may have grounds for a lawsuit depending on the details of your particular situation.
In my own experience, I was harassed out my job because I needed more flexible hours due to my temperamental digestion (and this job allowed flexible hours due to it's nature). Unfortunately my supervisor didn't think I was "really sick" and would refuse to approve my schedules. Had to leave...although now I wish I was actually fired so I could take them to court since what they were doing was 100% illegal...
:) I'm glad we can relate. I'm sorry doctors have been so dismissive. That sounds so frustrating...
I have a friend in recovery who struggles with some chronic health issues(thyroid related) and has food allergies as a result. She's been telling me to try an elimination diet? I don't know the specifics.But, I think you're right, I feel like going HCLF vegan is probably the quickest and most efficient way to get your digestive system back on track.
The more I keep slipping and eating non-vegan foods(because I'm out with friends who aren't vegan, because I don't take time to plan my meals, etc etc), the more aware I become of my sensitivity to certain foods and the more convinced I become to finally commit to this lifestyle.
I also relate to school...My schooling has suffered a lot as well. Today, I still feel like I'm living a double life because no one at school or work knows what I'm struggling with.
A recovery site I have found helpful in the past, for meetings/forums or just affirmations is
intherooms .com
I hope I don't get in trouble for posting this... lol
We shall see.
*hugs*
-Cass
Thanks Cass, I'm going to check out that website right now!