What is Emotional Poise?

I know it is not just one definition but I am trying to gauge whether I have it or not, and if I really understand what it is...

The biggest issue I have with emotional poise is not obsessing about what other think about me, especially after an awkward interaction where you feel socially rejected or not part of the "cool" kids.

A good example is yesterday my cat of 14 years died. I feel like I should be allowed by myself and others to be able to grieve. To sit a listen to sad music, cry, be quiet and drop some responsibilities for a few days...

But the feeling I get from others is like I should "tough it out" and that I am being depressing and that I am being a slacker if I just want to call in sick from school and work.

The whole thing is just magnifying the other times I feel socially awkward and have felt like others dont get my perspective and I feel left out, as well as put down. The worse part is learning how NOT to take it personally, as I kinda feel like it is sad for them that they dont allow themselves sad time when sad things happen, and just go by the work hard always motto of life.

What is emotional poise? How can we learn to have more of it, especially the kind that lets us walk away from awkward social interactions without feeling crushed?!

I think the idea you might be looking for here is the state of equanimity, when you love what is, no matter what is. so you can feel and sense that awkwardness, but it's simply a sensation within your body, and you let yourself feel it, without labeling it "awkwardness" or anything like that. and same with feeling that sadness, of course you will feel sad if your cat, your best friend, of 14 years died. and with what you are calling "emotional poise", which I would really just call emotional awareness, you can deal with that by letting yourself feel those feelings. I think you already understand this. You just need to be aware that the sensations you experience when others don't support what you choose to feel and be, they are passing and fleeting; and YOU and ONLY YOU have 100 % responsibility for what you are feeling and experiencing, ever. if you notice that other people are unsupportive and rude, try to see from their perspective and try to have some compassion, because as it has been said, "they know not what they do." i hope this helps.

Replies

ednshell March 6, 2013 at 8:05pm

Some nice articles and videos in this newsletter on the topic: http://foodnsport.com/newsletter/June-20-2011.php
Amanda Leigh Nama March 6, 2013 at 3:50pm

I think the idea you might be looking for here is the state of equanimity, when you love what is, no matter what is. so you can feel and sense that awkwardness, but it's simply a sensation within your body, and you let yourself feel it, without labeling it "awkwardness" or anything like that. and same with feeling that sadness, of course you will feel sad if your cat, your best friend, of 14 years died. and with what you are calling "emotional poise", which I would really just call emotional awareness, you can deal with that by letting yourself feel those feelings. I think you already understand this. You just need to be aware that the sensations you experience when others don't support what you choose to feel and be, they are passing and fleeting; and YOU and ONLY YOU have 100 % responsibility for what you are feeling and experiencing, ever. if you notice that other people are unsupportive and rude, try to see from their perspective and try to have some compassion, because as it has been said, "they know not what they do." i hope this helps.

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